Welcome Sparkle Cat!

Today we have a special guest on my blog. His name is Sparkle Cat, and he is very smart. Last week I asked people to send in questions, and today Sparkle Cat is going to answer them!

Dear Sparkle Cat,
I hate my children, I hate my wife, and I hate you.
Larry
Sparkle Cat Says: A great way to get rid of your wife would be to slip muscle relaxants into her alcohol and then throw her in a pool. This form of homicide is very difficult for forensic science to detect. Your children might be a bit more difficult. I suggest you gas them to death in their sleep with carbon dioxide and then throw them in the pool. You should dress your families dead bodies up in bathing suits before you throw them in the pool. Also, cops notice details, so buy a banner that says "pool party" and make a plate of sandwiches or something. That way instead of being suspicious the cops will think you just had a very bad pool party. Then they will sheepishly ask if they can have the sandwiches since your entire family is being fished out of the pool and could not possibly want them. Let them have the sandwiches, but hand them over slowly, as if you never imagined the police would be eating these sandwiches that you lovingly made for your wife and children.

Dear Sparkle Cat,
What is the best song ever?
Kyle
Sparkle Cat Says: Well Kyle, that is a very good question. The best song ever is "Mockingbird" as sung by Carly Simon and James Taylor. The lyrical harmony of their voices is superb. Did you know that James Taylor contracted AIDS from a transsexual prostitute in Brazil and later killed himself with the very spoon he had just used to make tapioca? Some question why he used a spoon, and why he bothered making the tapioca, but if you listen very closely to "Mockingbird" I think you will understand.