Cake Samples

Todays poem

The acute renal failure and myocardial infarction of my soul

After you left I began to fall apart.
First it was my life,
Then came my kidneys and my heart.

They said it was sickle cell,
That caused metabolic acidosis.
But you knew perfectly well,
What gave me this neurosis.

You might call it uremic poisoning,
But I know it's something more.
It's you my body's battling,
And I'm losing the war.

They tried thrombolytic therapy,
After my cardiogenic shock.
But the only thing that could help me,
Would be to turn back the clock.

I don't need an angiogram,
To feel us tear apart.
No vascular diagram,
Could give us a fresh start.

Coagulative necrosis,
Upon closer examination,
Is a terminated symbiosis,
Causing my degradation.

lolcats

If you were a dinosaur, youd be a thesaurus

Alien Movie Survival Guide

I guess I'm a pretty big Sci-Fi fan. I must have seen "Aliens" like 50 times. So I decided to use everything I've learned and write a guide to help people in these movies improve their odds a little.


1. Don't underestimate the enemy. Sure, they might look like giant meatballs with fangs, but that doesn't mean they can't figure out how a doorknob works.
2. If Star Trek has taught us anything it's that all aliens are all either A) Warmongering sycophants or B) Utopic sex maidens. Try to determine which you are dealing with as soon as possible. There may be no need for those sentry guns after all.
3. Have you been mean to people all trip? Does everybody hate you? Sorry guy, I can't help. In fact, the most gruesome death is probably reserved for you. Maybe they eat away your skin as you writhe on the floor begging for death. Or maybe they let an inexperienced baby alien eviscerate you with its soft undeveloped claws. I don't know. But I do know you probably should have given the kid that candy bar in the opening scene.
4. A little off topic, but what if alien poop looked like twinkies? And in one scene some guy unknowingly eats alien poop and inside the "twinkie" is a wedding ring and then the guy realizes he has just eaten the digested remains of his best friend. Oh man. Classic.
5. Don't go wandering around metal corridors filled with pipes venting intermittent bursts of steam. This is where most Aliens hang out playing hacky sack and such, waiting for people to come along.

Pack the bags! We're going on a guilt trip!

Oh hey, you eating some FOOD?! Using a COMPUTER?! Well this guy sure isn't. He is busy getting drunk off mouth wash and being way sad.

I don't fully understand the proliferation of high resolution black and white photos of homeless people as art, but I do know they are pretty depressing.

Fun Fact: This man is 20 years old.

Another Poem

They sell "Tuscan Milk" on Amazon, so I wrote a poem for a review.

Last night this sweet ambrosia did I sip,
After returning from a grocery trip.
Each drop was like a tiny jewel,
Sliding down my throat so creamy and cool.
This milk certainly past the test,
Proving Tuscan cows really are the best.

Dune poetry

Beautiful sandworm swimming free,
Why sandworm biting me?

Pilates

Pilates (noun) [pĭ-lä'tēz]: Various workouts closely resembling sex that are often performed by attractive middle-aged women at my gym.

Blizzard / StarCraft 2

Life

Liz fights a Giant Ant (with a laser)

This is a rendering of my friend Liz fighting a giant ant with a laser. I would just like to add that it is not due to a lack of knowledge concerning an ants morphology that I combined the alitrunk, petiole, and gaster regions into one large section, but rather due to a lack of artistic prowess combined with the limited area with which I had to work.

Oh Rats

Why do people always give me a hard time for drinking diet soda? I really don't care if it gives cancer to rats. That will teach any rats that bite me. Enjoy your cancer, rat.