Ho Ho Ho

You lonely alcoholics might have noticed the salesperson wearing a funny hat or a small candy cane display as you purchased a two-liter of vodka. This is because Christmas is nearly upon us. It's that magical time of the year where you spend 40 minutes suffering in line at Best Buy so you can purchase that long-requested Maroon 5 CD for your children with room-temperature IQ's and no taste. But it's not all about the commercialism and the unusually high suicide rate my friends. There's also hot cocoa and ham and the smell of the Christmas tree and kissing that cute girl in the ponytail on new-years eve. It's so easy to make fun of this season but I can't really imagine life without it.

Wireless insanity

So some hotshot on our block decided to blow 200$ on a top of the line pre-n router. Fantastic. "Todd's Network" seems to have completely drowned out my 802.11b signal to the point where it's no longer usable. I have created a list of possible responses to this wireless intrusion, sorted by level of insanity.

1) Buy my own pre-n network. Name it something cheeky like "Todd is a jerk".
2) Write "The skulls of those who oppose me bleach in the suns of a hundred worlds" in my own blood and send it to him. Hope he knows what I'm referring to.
3) Break into his house and toss the router into the fish tank. Tonight your network sleeps with the fishes Todd.
4) Stage a silent artistic play with my friends outside his house. Use symbolism to convey my anger. I will dress as a giant slab of tuna (my network) and my friends will dress as Snow White and the seven dwarfs (his oppressive network) and they will run around throwing Swedish Fish (wireless signals, and also I just like how they taste) at me.
5) Kill Todd's wife and children and paint a hexagram with their blood around my router in hopes that either a) Satan recognizes this accomplishment and boosts my signal strength or b) Todd's crippling depression after his families slaughter causes him to lose interest in wireless networking altogether.

Logitech keyboard or F-22 Raptor?

Why is my keyboard aerodynamic? It's never going to fly. And even if it were to be put into some sort of parabolic situation, I think I would be more concerned about what caused the enormous explosion that sent my keyboard flying and how it affected Eric with his various organic non-streamlined appendages. Not how far my keyboard travelled because of its uncanny ability to generate lift. Is this the future? Will everything slowly become more and more needlessly aerodynamic until one day a model airplane and a pencil sharpener become indistinguishable?

Ablative Shielding

I've never made my own comic before. But I always wanted to. So I figured now was the time. This one stemmed from a conversation I had with a girl. She said I only liked her because she was pretty. So I responded "well you only like me because of my ablative shielding properties". I don't really know why that jumped into my head, but I think it had something to do with reading way too much sci-fi lately. Mostly Man-Kzin wars stuff.

Death rules.

We had a conversation in class the other day about how we would like to die. Pretty much everybody said "in my sleep". Excuse me? Are you serious? That's pretty much the last way id like to go. This is your death... you only get one... it shouldn't be easy and painless. It should be memorable and awesome. Like drowning in a pool of delicious gravy or a spectacular car crash in front of thousands of people screaming with a combination of horror and excitement. I would much rather burn out than fade away. You people have fun dying of organ failure at 4 in the morning like everybody else, I'll be the guy on the front page of the post with an article detailing the extraordinary series of events that resulted my being spread atom thin over the surface of a neutron star. Nothing says "Eric was here" like coating a hundred thousand square miles of superdense planet with your own blood.

The Pudding Monster

I had a pretty strange dream last night that I would like to share. My perspective was a bit odd (ok it was all a bit odd, but bear with me) because I was seeing things as if I were a video camera. I knew everything that was happening was going to be in a movie and that I was recording it. But enough about that, lets talk about the "movie". There was a little boy sitting at a table, about to eat some pudding. I'm not sure how I knew, but I could tell the pudding was quite unhappy about being eaten. Next, the kid gets up to retrieve a spoon. While this is happening, some cosmic rays or something hit the pudding and it becomes a pudding monster. When the kid got back, the pudding monster shouted "I'M PUDDING YOU TO DEATH" (yes even my dreams are filled with bad puns) and then it jumped on the little kid. Why can't I have dreams about flying like everybody else?

Party time...

Well, classes are out, and we all know what that means! Tis the season to empty your savings account, head to Mexico, buy a large cache of cocaine, hide it in your girlfriends body cavities, and send her back across the border in a separate car, just in case.

Nothing to do

Well it's Thursday and there is officially nothing to do. But I found a magnet from Taco Bell on the refrigerator in the break room. So I started to wonder.. who sends faxes to Taco Bell? Pretty much nobody. So I thought I would make little Paco's day and send him a picture. I just hope they don't send anything back. I don't know why I bothered coloring it since it comes out black and white. I think that's some kind of metaphor for the way work drains away my soul. I would also like to add that its really hard for me to draw a taco. That took me like 6 tries and it still barely looks like a taco.

Hello world.

So I've decided to start a blog. I guess this is where it starts. In a few months I'll end up taking pictures of myself frowning in the bathroom mirror like one of those livejournal jerks. Oh well. What's important is that everybody cares what I think, and I have a duty to tell them. So here goes.